Fly butterfly.

The class teacher of my 8th grade class announced my name and asked me to step out of the door. Puzzled I walked out and was greeted by two familiar faces one of it was my six year’s old brother and the other person was Raju. Raju was a trusted employee at my aunt’s business who had befriended me as I stayed at my uncle’s place. Though most of the times friendly, he had a grim look on his face. As he stood next to the principle of my school uttering this sentence with a gulp,” We have to go to the hospital, your Father has asked for both of you” I looked at the principle and then at my brother, he did not look as confused though merely aware of the escalating suspense.

The reason as to why we were called at the hospital was because my father was suffering through liver cirrhosis. A disease which chronically affects the functioning of the liver, the causes can be numerous though the most common were Alcoholism or Hepatitis B or C or even an acute infection of jaundice which is still common in India. He was suffering since last six months and my mother had completely devoted all her resources towards his well-being. This was the sole reason why my brother and me stayed at my aunt’s place, as there was no adult at our house to look after us. As we headed towards the hospital we took a cab, the hospital was located about fifteen miles from my school which gave me plenty of time to think about this situation because the traffic in Mumbai is very painful. I looked at my brother who looked back and smiled, his assured smile was a momentary relief from my anxiety, which was building up ever since we left Thane; he looked happy because he got to skip school before recess which I don’t blame him for, because a part in me felt exactly the same. I tried to have a conversation with Raju who sat next to the driver. I couldn’t resist inquiring as to what was going on. All he could tell me that my father was asking about us and he really wished he could be around our company. I looked outside the window the strong cold monsoon breeze splashed my face like trying to wash away my anxiety.

Finally we reached the hospital the dark staircase and the silent corridors added to my negativity when we reached the ward where my father was treated I was greeted by all possible family members that I could remember. Finally I spotted my mother, who looked sad and exhausted yet, she managing to smile as she saw us. The dark circles around her eye were evidence of her inability to sleep during this family crisis. We both hugged her and then I tried to inquire as to why we had been called? She stared at me for a moment and then said in a dry raspy voice,” the doctors wanted you and your brother to have your last word with your father, he has about 30-40mins left of life” I stood there impassive not sure as to how I should react. This whole new concept of what life is became very real and harsh. I looked at my father who was semi-conscious and hallucinated from the drugs administered on him. We both stood next to his bed with utter dissonance. My father looked at us, failed to recognize me but did remember my little brother they hugged and I could hear my mother’s failed attempt to control her weep. I obviously don’t blame my father for his inability to recognize me. But it was quiet shocking to contemplate his state of mind, which was affected as a gross result of the disease. A man who always had a say in my affairs far beyond my cognitive abilities laid there stranded helplessly.

It has been more than a decade as I recollect this moment. Though my parents took a different approach to life later on, I rather found my self being hit hard by the reality we live in. Life is indeed as fragile as the wings of a butterfly. Our immaterial thoughts that have created a distinction among rest of the life on earth is ben our only source to understand the complex world we live in. But we have to acknowledge the fact that the thoughts (conscious) which makes us unique has been influenced by the same laws, which have worked on any life or inanimate objects in the universe. There is a lot to be known and it would be hypocrisy if I jump to any conclusions. But since the last four centuries of our recorded history there has been a plausible attempt to understand everything through reason and logic. I am not sure if it is the only option, but I can evidentially conclude that it has been a tool to liberate us in many aspects of uncertainty. Therefore I consider any believe based on no evidence or contrary evidence should be discouraged or at least challenged. I do not object to everyone’s right to think and openly express but I do issue a problem with anti-skepticism, which can be found in multiple form of worship i.e. religion, state, leader etc. which I consider it as rampant in our present times. It has been long enough that we put aside our irrationality so we could come out of the cocoon and make our attempt to fly.